"Happily divorced" is shot before a live audience.
I'll have a small popcorn, No butter, Please.
- Anything for yours boyfriend? - I don't have a boyfriend, He's my ex.
Give'me what, a ***.
And once more.
Now, Shake it up...
And once more.
- Hey. Saturday night at the movies with my two best friends.
Who needs a man? [laughs]
- Uh, fran? - Yeah?
- You remember when we were leaving the house
And we were kind of late and you wanted to change
And I said, "don't bother, nobody's ever gonna see you"?
- Who's here and do I have to kill you?
- Your ex-boyfriend, elliot, so I'm gonna go with yes.
- Oh, my god, I look like I just slept on a bus.
Block me, block me! - Here, let me get this.
- Oh, he looks fine!
You shoulda tried harder to hold onto that.
- I tried.
But he thought that peter was too involved in my life.
- Which is totally ridiculous. Blot.
- Fran?
- Elliot! What a nice surprise!
- It's so nice to see you.
- Nice to see you.
- Hi, elliot. - Hey, judi.
- Judi, take your popcorn.
- Hey, elliot, so we meet again.
- Yeah. I see you guys are still hanging out.
- Well, you know, since he's here and you can see him,
I guess I'll have to say yes.
But, you know, to tell you the truth,
We were together for 18 years.
There is a strong connection,
And that sort of thing, you know,
Doesn't just quickly go away.
Go away.
[laughs]
I remember that well.
- Yeah, me too. You have popcorn in your hair.
- Oh.
- It was terrific running into you.
- Yeah, it's lovely running--
Me too.
- Enjoy the movie.
- Yeah. Thank you. Thank you.
I think he's really into me.
I mean, he said, "enjoy the movie."
Who would say that if they didn't want to
Get back together, right?
He picked food out of my hair.
And with monkeys, that's, like, considered foreplay.
- You know what?
Maybe you should ask him
To grab a cup of coffee or something.
- You think I should?
I mean, I won't come across too pushy?
- When has that ever been a problem for you? Go on.
- You're right. I'm gonna go.
He's on a date. We'll do it another time.
[upbeat music]
- ♪ she was certain that he was her one and only ♪
♪ but their union always seemed a little forced ♪
♪ she got married anyway ♪
♪ turns out that he was gay ♪
♪ they're still in love but now she's ♪
♪ happily divorced ♪
Synced By YesCool www.addic7ed.com
- Do you think elliot's new girlfriend
Is prettier than me?
- No, of course not.
- You think she's thinner than me?
- Sweetie, don't do this to yourself.
The only reason she looks prettier and thinner
Is because she's ten years younger.
And I just heard what I said.
- Oh, god. - What?
- It's elliot's jacket.
- You kept his jacket? - Maybe.
Oh, I wanted to save it as an excuse to see him again.
I'd just, you know, give him a call
And say "I got your jacket."
He'd say, "well, can you bring it over?"
I'd say, "okay." then he'd look at me.
He'd say, "god, you look so thin.
I can't live without you."
And then you'd move out, he'd move in.
We'd get a little dog.
You know, something small that doesn't shed.
I know. I'm a sick woman.
Here, take the jacket.
At least someone will enjoy it.
Oh, good-bye, bumpers.
- You named the jacket?
- Of course not. Bumpers is the name of our dog.
What kind of a nut names a jacket?
- All right, that is it. You have got to move on.
Just like I had to move on
When neal patrick harris got married.
We have got to find new people.
- How? We're in our forties, we don't have any money.
Where do losers like us find people?
- I'm on eharmony, match.Com, plenty of fish, and jdate.
- Jdate? Isn't that for jewish people?
- Oh, please.
Nobody checks the label when you like the dress.
Okay, in order to save time,
I think I'm gonna go with "meatmarket."
They have a gay side and a straight side.
- I don't know about this, judi.
I mean, I don't even buy shoes online.
What if they're too small? If you know what I mean.
- I'm not allowed to go on the internet.
My wife caught me looking at too much po--
Political satire.
By the way, if you don't uncheck the little box,
There's a recurring monthly charge for political satire.
- Okay, I created a profile. Do you like the picture?
- Whoa, are you kidding? I look ten years younger.
What did you do?
- Photoshop. It's plastic surgery for poor people.
Okay, format and post.
- All right. - Fun!
- When do we start meeting people?
- Well, if you're lucky, you'll have men
By breakfast tomorrow.
If you're not, well that's why god created waffles.
- You hear that, franny?
It's gonna be raining men. Hallelujah!
Don't write in my profile that I said that.
Computer: Someone wants you. - Ooh, what's that?
What's that? - I think you got a hit!
- Who got a hit? - Franny.
Computer: Someone wants you.
- Hey, you got another hit!
Computer: Someone wants you.
- And another hit.
- Oh, my god, they're pouring in!
Wow, isn't this great?
- Yay.
- Well, I'm ready for my first date.
- What's his name?
- Jazzman49.
- Franny, how come I'm not getting any hits?
- Because you're not honest
On your profile, mr. Surferdude38.
[doorbell rings]
- Oh, that's jazzman now, maybe.
Coming.
That's funny. Nobody was there.
[doorbell rings] oh! Oh.
- Fran!
- Hiiiii.
- You're as pretty as your picture.
I can see we're gonna have a great time.
- And I can see my tree needs pruning.
- I'll wait up.
It looks like it's gonna be a short date.
- Ha ha.
There's plenty more where he came from.
Well, thank you, that was a lovely evening,
And your mom's a lot of fun too.
- Isn't she? Can we see you again?
- No.
- I can't believe both my credit cards were declined.
- Yeah. Good thing mine wasn't, huh?
- Uh, can I see you again?
- No.
Well, tonight was just, uh...
- Magical?
Can I see you a-- - no.
- How was the date?
- Don't ask.
+
- [laughs] - what's so funny?
- I just sent your father an enticing text.
- You guys are sexting each other?
- Sometimes your mother sends me pictures to excite me.
Wanna see what I'm getting tonight?
- No, daddy, I don't think--
Oh, a pastrami sandwich?
- Married 45 years and it's still as good
As the first time she gave it to me.
- Oh, glen.
- Oh, I want what you guys have.
- Sweetheart, you have it.
You and peter are a wonderful team.
- Oh, but he got traded.
Now I need a new player for my dugout.
- Sweetheart, you just got started
With this interweb dating.
Give it a chance.
- I have, but nobody makes me feel the way elliot did.
- Dumped?
- You do remember you gave me power
To pull the plug on you, don't you?
- Well, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, but how many times can we hear about elliot?
You really have got to get over him.
- I can't.
- You know what this reminds me of?
Gary cassitore.
- Here we go.
- When I was young I was obsessed with gary cassitore.
He was a beautiful piece of man.
- He was fat.
- It was not fat, glen. It was muscles at rest.
Anyway, after he dumped me, I compared every man with him.
No one was good enough.
- Still in the kitchen.
- And only after I got rid of everything
That reminded me of gary was I able finally to move on.
- Oh, but I could get rid of everything of elliot's.
How do I get rid of my feelings?
- Sweetheart. - Yes?
- I don't know.
- Franny, it's time. Elliot has a girlfriend.
- Unfriend him, fran. - All right, all right.
Let me just post a comment on this cute little kitten
Playing the piano.
- Fran, let me I help you. I will do it.
- Oh, wait! - Whoa, fran!
I'm about to tell you something
That will change your life.
- You're straight again?
- Better.
Remember that girl we saw at the movies with elliot?
- Yeah? - I don't think it's serious.
- What do you know? - She's his sister!
- Let me see! Oh, she's so pretty.
Oh!
Oh, he's on, he's on!
Should I tell him that we're getting back together?
- Start by saying "hi." - mm-hmm.
- But play it cool. - Okay.
- Don't tell him that you missed him,
Dreamt about him,
Or made a playlist for him.
- Delete, delete, delete.
Well, I gotta see him.
How do I do it so it doesn't seem desperate?
Ooh, I got it, I got it!
I got it.
And send.
- Hey, just remember,
It was me who found out it was his sister
And changed your life
And made up for every bad I ever did.
- Oh! Oh, look!
It worked! It worked!
He's gonna be
And he wants me to come over tonight.
- Ooh, the beach house.
That's where you guys first made waves.
- Yes, we did.
- What did you say to him?
- I told him that I would bring him his leather jacket back.
Wasn't that genius?
- You mean the leather jacket you gave me?
- Yes, and why are you backing out of the room?
- Uh, well, I kinda, sorta gave it to a gay thrift shop.
- You gave elliot's jacket
To "not so straight off the rack"?
- Wait a minute. How do you know about that place?
- Oh, all the gay guys bring the stuff there
That they don't want.
I'm lucky he didn't drop me off there.
+
- Okay, we're looking for a black leather jacket.
Here's his scent. Scratch, sniff, go.
- What am I, a bloodhound?
- Just find the jacket.
- Ooh, fran! - What?
Do you see the jacket?
- No, it's a vintage versace.
- Peter, come on!
- Ooh, fran, look! - Oh, oh, oh!
That's elliot's jacket.
One of us is gonna have to flirt with him.
- Do you think he's gay?
- Peter if I could spot a gay man,
Would we be here?
Let's resort to honesty.
Excuse me, sir.
Um, it appears as if
You're going to buy that jacket,
And I just wanted to tell you
That we donated that jacket accidentally.
It belongs to my boyfriend
And I ve to get it back in order to get him back
Because he's my last chance at happiness.
- That's a beautiful story.
I'd cry, but I don't want to get tearstains
On my new jacket.
- Okay, now, fran, fran,
If he really wants it that bad, let him have it,
Even if it makes him look boxy.
[doorbell rings]
- Okay, calm down.
- Hey there. - Hi there yourself.
- Oh, come on in.
Oh, thank you so much for bringing me back my jacket.
I missed this. - I missed you. What?
- What? - What?
Uh, beautiful view.
Just, what a beautiful view.
And the place looks incredible.
- Thank you.
- Oh, we had some good times here.
And there. And there.
And out there.
[both laugh]
- Can I get you a drink? - Uh, yeah, please.
- The usual? - Uh, double, please.
- Oh, a "doo-blay."
You know, when I saw you at the movie theater,
You disappeared so quick.
- Oh! Hi. - Hi.
- Hey. [laughs]
- I wanted to introduce you to my sister.
- Oh! Ooh, you have a sister?
Really? Wow. - Yeah.
- Yeah, she's helping her girlfriend plan a wedding,
And so I suggested you do the flowers.
- Really? Oh, that's so sweet.
I love you. - What?
- In that color.
What, uh, do they call that?
- Black?
- Hola, cesar!
- Mr. Peter, oh, look at you, smiling.
What happened? - Cesar, we found the jacket.
I really think it's gonna help fran
Get back together with elliot
And maybe she can just move on wither life.
It really feels good to do something nice for someone.
- Yeah. You did what ms. Fran calls a mitzvah.
You put something good out into the universe
And something good comes back.
- Oh, well, cesar, that's not why I did it.
Did I get any hits?
- Nada.
- The universe sucks.
- Hi, is fran here?
- Uh, no, she's not. I can help you.
- I need some flowers for a shower.
My brother recommended her.
- Oh, you're elliot's sister.
I saw you the other night at the movie theater.
You were wearing that adorable jean jacket
With the fleur-de-lis
And those gorgeous louboutin wedges.
- You must be the ex-husband.
- Yeah. Hi, I'm peter.
Let me show you some of fran's arrangements.
You know, it's a funny story.
At the movie theatre that night,
We thought you were elliot's date.
- Well, we were spending a lot of time together.
He was a little lonely.
- Oh, well, I've been spending
A lot of time with fran because--
Well, I have no other place to go, so--
- But, things are looking up for elliot.
- Oh, yeah, and they're looking up for fran too.
- I think it's really gonna work out between him and audrey.
- There's nothing I would like more.
Who's audrey?
- His ex-wife. They're back together.
- I think the universe heard you say it sucks.
+
You know, i still tell this funny story
About how peter got into bed with you and me.
[both laugh]
- Yeah, I don't.
How is peter? - Oh, good, good.
Still there, but forging his own life.
Got his own phone line in the den now.
- You know, I am so glad you're here, fran,
'cause seeing you at the movies got me thinking.
Breaking up with you because peter was still in your life,
That was a mistake.
- Itas?
[cell phone rings]
- [groans] I gotta take this.
I am so sorry. Just make yourself comfortable.
I'll be right back. - Okay, all right.
Take your time. - Yeah.
Hello?
Ah, great.
- [sighs]
Sexy music.
Jacuzzi water bubbling]
- Oh, hey, sweetie. - Hi.
[kiss]
- Guess what. - What?
- Fran dropped by,
And I really want you to meet her.
- Oh, where is she?
- Uh, fran?
- I'm out here.
- Fran, uh, I would like you to meet audrey, my...
Ex-wife.
- Who he recently got back together with.
- Oh, uh, uh...
Mazel tov!
- Fran, what--what-- what are you doing?
- Well, you told me to get comfortable.
I'm not. Are you guys?
- Not particularly.
- When did all this happen?
- Um, when I saw you and peter, you know,
It got me thinking that, you know,
Maybe I should get along better with my ex-wife.
And so I gave her a call and one thing led to another and--
- Are you telling me that because of me,
You guys got back together?
- Yeah, kinda.
- Well, what do you know?
- Elliot, hi. Oh, you must be audrey.
Wow.
Why didn't you answer my texts?
- I shut my phone off.
I thought that I was gonna get lucky.
I was wrong.
- Hey. Well, that's it, folks.
We're gonna leave. Great place.
If you ever want to sell, peter lovett.
- Nice meeting you, audrey.
Uh, that was fun. We gotta catch up again.
Oh, my god.
I've never been so humiliated
In my entire life.
Do you think I blew it with him?
- No, sweetie. I saw the way he was looking at you.
- Really? 'cause I was picking up a vibe.
And I'm gonna have to return this robe.
- Fran! - What?
- It's over!
- Oh, right. Movin' on.
Movin' on.
- You know why we haven't found men?
Because we're trying too hard. - You know what they say.
Good things come to those that don't try as hard as we do.
- I think we should just get off the internet.
- Oh, you are absolutely right.
And you can't get chemistry from a computer screen.
- You can't get chem--it's cold. It's impersonal.
It's not the way god intended people to meet people.
- That's why god created bars.
You go, you get schnockered. Boom, chemistry.
- Yeah.
That's why he's him.
- Yep. No more. - That's it.
- Putting it over here. Good-bye.
- It's just not--it's not part of our lives anymore.
Computer: Someone wants you.
Synced By YesCool www.addic7ed.com